Monday, June 7, 2010

An update for real...

Time is a funny thing. When you're going through a crisis, it just seems to slip right past you. It's been a week - a week as of yesterday - since the accident. But I could not begin to try to guess what happened on what day... it's all just a big blur. I keep saying that to everyone, and I guess it's because it feels so - strange. So unfamiliar. I'm so accustomed to my life and the schedules of our daily lives - going to school and work, having breakfast and lunch and dinner, watching our TV shows at night... but all of that has been thrown off and it really distorts your sense of the time passing.

Thank goodness for my friends and family - we don't eat unless there is food in front of us, it's just too much to even think about. But the food just shows up every day - Cassidy asked me one night, "How come so many people are bringing us food?" and I just cried yet again and said "Because, honey, people don't know what else to do. Men mow each other's lawns and women bring each other food - and it helps. It's one less thing we have to think about." She thought that was really cool, and I think she's right. We are very lucky to have so many people who care about us. We have managed to keep the kids on a pretty even keel by having them go to school and maintain some sense of normalcy for them, which actually does also help us.

So anyway - Jeremy's dad, Richie, is getting a little better every day, but it's going to be a long road. As I was writing this, the funeral arrangements have been finalized. Calling hours tomorrow evening, funeral on Wednesday morning. Maryann's sister asked Jeremy to be a pall bearer, which was so nice of her and so sad to have to do - but of course he will. :( The hospital social worker seems to think that Richie will be able to attend, even if it's via ambulance attended to by nurses or EMTs. I think it's important for him to attend in order to start healing. The big thing is that he has to have his chest tubes out in order to go, so we're hoping maybe tomorrow...

Anyway - the actual surgery on Richie's legs went as well as it could. The recovery is long and painful. He has been on some heavy duty painkillers and hallucinating at times. When we visited for the first time after they took his breathing tube out, I rubbed his arm and said "we're going to take care of you" and he just looked at me and said "that would be nice." It was so cute. He enjoys when we visit, and he loves to see the kids of course, but it also raises his blood pressure and tires him out, so we've been bringing them up every other day.

I have never quite felt this way in my life, like I cannot really think past today or maybe tomorrow or I start to feel panicky. It's just all too much right now. I don't want to see people - the only people I can really handle seeing are either complete strangers who have no idea what is going on, or my really close friends and family who have been helping me through it. Anyone else, I just can't handle seeing - I can't really talk about it yet without crying, and that makes people uncomfortable, too. This will be my 2nd week out of work and although I plan to go back next week, I'm really not sure yet. I have the kind of job that I have to be mentally present for, I can't just show up and be a basket-case. But if I have to be out for any longer than this week, I'm going to have to see my doctor and get a medical note, and I really don't want to have to do that. See - this is where I start to feel anxious and stuff, so I'm just going to forget it for now and get through the next couple of days.

Jeremy spoke to his union people today and they wanted him to test out of his apprenticeship tonight so he can be considered a journeyman (iron worker). The tests are scheduled at certain days and times, and being that it's so hard to plan ahead right now he said sure and he just left, he's headed out to Boston to take his test. We will most likely take the kids to visit Richie when Jeremy gets home tonight, around 8:00 or 9:00.

Thanks for your kind words, comments, e-mails, thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me and it really and truly helps. Most of you know how firmly I believe that everything happens for a reason, even when that reason is really hard to see at the time. It brings me comfort to believe that, though, so I do. Peace.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry! My heart hurts for you and your family. You have faced one heartache after another and the hits seem to keep on coming! I am glad you are able to roll with the punches but you must be hoping this is all! I am praying for comfort for you all, healing for your father-in-law, closure for your mother-in-law's family and for all those who are touched by this event.
    Gentle hugs my friend,