Monday, December 13, 2010

More on Grief...

This past weekend, I received a very nasty comment on my blog post titled "Grief" (click to see original entry).  I didn't want to publish the entire comment because the anonymous author mentions specific last names of people that I am not sure would want their names published, but I am going to copy and paste the comment here now, with the last name changed, so that I can respond to it.  Here it is:

"This is APPALLING I have never met you, but let me tell you right now, If you and I ever meet IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY. You have your whole story twisted. You have NO CLUE what the heck you are talking about. This part-

"She loved going for rides on it, something they did on sunny weekend days. On this particular sunny Sunday morning, Maryann was the one who convinced Richie to go for the bike ride. He came up with an excuse not to go, but she really wanted to. Because he loves to please her, he gave in. This is something he'll regret for the rest of his life."

Is COMPLETE CRAP. That is no where near accurate. Mary was supposed to spend the weekend at the cape with her brothers and sisters. But since Richie had just had surgery she decided to be a good wife and stay home with him. SHE IS THE MOST SELFLESS PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. "Maryann was the one who convinced Richie to go for the bike ride. He came up with an excuse not to go, but she really wanted to." Where the heck did you come up with that bull crap? That is pure LIES. After reading this I am steaming. I can't even put into words all that I want to say to you right now. They are not acting selfish. Mary is DEAD. What do you want them to do, accept it and move on like life is grand? I think not. You are so selfish and self centered. I am soooo sorry that Mary had to die, and now you can't move to your precious house in California. Wahh. How very tragic for you! And this part-

"I hope you have a hard time sleeping tonight. I will sleep tight knowing that I am a good person who would never intentionally and spitefully hurt someone else, and believe me I have put myself in your shoes."

Yeah that isn't right either. First of all, by writing this entry you are hurting the family of Mary! And I don't care if you have "put yourself in their shoes" because until this happens to you, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. Now don't go blaming Mary's brothers or sisters because this wasn't written by them. In fact I am not even related to the Smith's (name changed) at all. But something needed to be said about this. You probably won't have the guts to allow this to be posted but I don't care. May Mary rest in peace, and may the Smith family someday be at peace as well."

So now here is my response to this slightly threatening and certainly ridiculous comment - 

Jane, you said you've never met me.  You say you are not related to the family.  Well, I am related to the family.  I happen to know things about that day that you don't.  I do not deny that Maryann was supposed to go to the Cape with her siblings that weekend, nor that she decided to stay home with Richie because of his shoulder surgery.  How exactly does that prove that she did not want to go on a ride on his motorcycle that day?  Why did you quote me as if I was blaming her death on her?  That was not my intention at all - I was simply pointing out how awful Richie must feel about deciding to go.  I'm not sure why that makes you angry.

You say ""You are so selfish and self centered. I am soooo sorry that Mary had to die, and now you can't move to your precious house in California. Wahh. How very tragic for you!"  Where in the world did this come from?  I didn't have a "precious house in California" to move to in the first place - and since you don't know me, my family, or our situation, I guess you wouldn't realize that you sound like a complete moron because that is just about as far from the truth as you can get regarding how I felt about not having to move.  The real reasons are none of your business, but I had to address this.  
I agree with you - Maryann was selfless, loving, caring, sweet, and wonderful.  She was a devoted wife, sister, daughter, friend.  Where in my blog post do I make it sound like she was anything less than any of these things?  
You didn't think I'd publish your comment, and I almost didn't.  But the more I thought about it, the more I felt bad for you, since you are obviously in pain.  Since you didn't leave me any way to contact you, I figured this was the best way to reply.  I am so sorry that Mary died - how can you have read my entire blog post and not realize that?  How can you have read that and not felt an ounce of compassion for anyone besides Maryann's siblings?  YOU are the selfish ones, as your mean and heartless comment proves.  Why don't you address the real reason that I wrote that blog post in the first place?  Why would anyone who supposedly loved Maryann want to hurt the person she chose to spend the rest of her life with?  

My heart goes out to Maryann's family, even the ones I'm angry at - especially at this time of year.  May you all find peace however you can, hopefully not at the expense of hurting others.  I believe in karma, so it's all good.  And Jane - if you ever want to have an adult conversation without threats, feel free to e-mail me.  My e-mail address is published on my blog.  You take care now.


1 comment:

  1. Well said my friend. I hope Jane has the courage and maturity to re read your original post and realize you were pointing out that Mary's family was only hurting Mary's beloved husband. SHE chose HIM whether they agree or not. I doubt she would be happy to know what they are doing. I doubt she would approve of their actions. At no time did you say they had to stop grieving for her. But they don't have to hurt the man she loved. If only they all would be compassionate enough to see that doesn't solve a thing!