Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I need Spring!

Man, it's so damn DEPRESSING around here! New England can be beautiful, but it can also be dreary and depressing. Winter can be harsh, and this past one was a real doozy. Yeah, I just said doozy. I think that means I'm officially elderly or something. WhatEVA.

On top of the ugliness of leftover Winter, we had these stupid Asian Longhorned Beetles that infected our trees and so THOUSANDS of trees have been ripped out of the ground - and there are still many more to go. You know that saying, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone"? Well, that's how I feel about the now-gone trees. I didn't realize how much our landscape relied on those trees. Some were beautiful, some were not - but even the not-so-pretty ones often hid even uglier sights... one of the streets I drove down today had been absolutely annihilated - and in their wake were houses that now had absolutely no privacy at all, and a vacant lot full of weeds and trash. It was just... ugly. And as I drive down streets, I'm constantly amazed at how much our landscape has changed. It's really sad. And it's going to be bad in the Summer, too, all that Sun with nothing to help with the glare, to provide shade, etc. DEPRESSING!

Then last night I realized that Easter is this weekend and that we really had no plans, Jeremy had mentioned cooking a ham. So I called my mom and asked her if we were doing anything and I could tell instantly that she wasn't in a good mood from the moment she said hello, so I should have just pretended I dialed a wrong number and hung up. Anyway, I didn't, and she said "Well, no one ever calls me so I figured you had made other plans" in this nasty voice.

Other plans. She figured we made "other plans." We've spent every single Easter with her, forever. We've never spent Easter with anyone else. I just said, "no, mom, no other plans." The conversation didn't really go well and she ended up saying that she's working Saturday night (I figured that) and maybe she'd consider having us over for pie Sunday afternoon, since this would be the first Easter we weren't together (she actually said that, and I had to bite my tongue not to ask "then why would you not have assumed we were spending this one with you?" - I digress). I said "that's fine, mom, you call me whenever and we'll be home. If you want us to come, we'll come. If not, no big deal." So I was the better person, and I felt good about not lashing out, because I was just so annoyed at that point. She wasn't nice to me. She was bitchy and she made me feel like crap. I mean, even if she really thought I made other plans - why not just be nice and be happy that I called and wanted to spend it with her? Why not just say "Oh honey I have to work the night before, but we could have pie later on after dinner if you want?" Why does she have to be so freaking MEAN all the time?

I just don't understand the whole deal about me (and my sister) needing to call HER all the time - she never calls us, she'd go to her grave with never speaking to us again if we didn't call her. And when we do, it's always "Wow - one of my daughters is calling me?!?" Well, you know, we both work full-time too. And it kind of makes me feel sad to know that my mom would never call me or visit me if I didn't reach out. I will NEVER be like that with Cassidy. If anything, she'll be like "MOM - you don't have to call me EVERY DAY". hee hee :o)

And why, oh why, does it make me feel like a 4-year-old every time I'm feeling sad or mad about my mom? LOL I get mad, but deep down it's really sadness that I feel.

So yeah, I need Spring - I need to see some sunshine and flowers blooming and I need to be able to open my windows and be DONE with the depression! Spring is coming, right? Tell me it's coming! :o)

1 comment:

  1. OH I hope today was better for you - the sun was wonderful!!

    Boy between the beetles and ice storm damage, our views have changed huh? So sad!

    I am so sorry about your mom. YOu deserve better. Your kids will not have to suffer like you do - it is so cool you are breaking the cycle!!

    Have a happy Easter no matter what you do my friend! hugs, Linda