Meg had a type of cancer called Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML), and this was her 2nd relapse. Her poor little body just couldn't fight anymore, and her kidneys started shutting down a few days ago. She passed away surrounded by people who love her.
I'm so sad, heartbroken, angry, depressed.... everywhere I go, I think of this little girl. Every store I go into, every trip I go on, Cassidy and I look for things to send to "my Megan", as I affectionately called her. It's going to take a long time before I get used to the fact that I won't be buying or sending her any more "angel mail". Her parents called her their little bumblebee, and I will forevermore think of Meg when I see bumblebees. I take comfort in knowing that she no longer has to suffer, but it's a small comfort. She should NEVER have had to suffer. She should NEVER have gotten cancer. I cried for hours last night, and then I finally dropped off to sleep while thinking about her poor parents, and her sisters. How do you go to bed at night after your child just died? How do you get back up the next morning and just LIVE? How do you do laundry, clean the kitchen, pay bills? I keep them in my thoughts and prayers constantly and hope so much that they are able to get through this, because the awful fact is that life just goes on. HOW? Doesn't the world know that they just lost this precious child? How does the world just keep spinning and the clock keeps ticking and cancer keeps taking more precious lives from us? I will never know, but I will always be thankful that I got to be a part of this little sweetheart's life. I don't have any regrets and the pain and heartache is worth it, I believe that I made a difference in her life and I know that my mail made her smile and that she knew how much I adored her. And I know she adored me. I have to be happy with that, because I don't have a choice.
Being involved with ChemoAngels and Audrey's Umbrella and various other cancer support organizations has made a huge difference in my life, and I am very thankful to have been able to be involved. But it's also been heartbreaking at times - over the years, I have become close with other families whose children lost the battle. Jessi M. was a little girl close in age to my own daughter Cassidy, and I became close with her and her parents. She passed away on my wedding anniversary several years ago, I still visit her website and leave messages to reassure her parents that she will never be forgotten. Kaitlyn was just a baby, a BABY, less than a year old, when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2001. She died when she was only 20 months old. Her mom Donnell and I have stayed in contact, I consider her a good friend even though we've never "met".
So there have been times like today when I'm just devastated and I think "Can I keep doing this?" and I can tell you that I am 100% positive that I CAN keep doing this. How can I NOT? If I can bring a smile to a little kid who is going through cancer treatment, how can I choose NOT to do that? I can't, that's just me. So I'll cry for a while and I will never, ever forget my Megan, but I will not let the heartache and pain make me stop - that would be like letting cancer win even more, and I will never do that. I'm so thankful that I got a chance to meet Meg in real life and give her a hug, I will always be grateful to her mom for driving her to meet me - it was the best Christmas gift ever, one I will always remember with a smile.
Hug your loved ones today and tell them what they mean to you. And say a prayer for my Megan's family, please. I'm sure they can use all the prayers they can get.
Rest in peace, little bumblebee. You deserve it. I love you always and forever. <3>