Every time one of my kids leaves the house, I feel an ache in the pit of my stomach that doesn't go away until they come home. It's not like I can't function while they are gone - I'm not overly dramatic about it or anything, I just have this little sense of uneasiness that won't go away until I know my child is back at home, safe. With me.
My kids do not know the things that go through my mind when they go out. They have no idea what a scary, dangerous world it is out there. In a way, I envy their naivete - but mostly, I worry for them. My daughter is going to be 14 next month, but she could easily pass for 16/17. She has absolutely no idea how beautiful she is. She has a body that I would die for, and thinks she's "fat." (God damn media, models, peer pressure, etc. - but that's for another day...). She's strong, and she's confident - and that's great. But I also want her to be aware of the dangers, aware that if she's alone she will not be able to fend off a 200-pound man if he decides to hurt her. I don't think teenage girls should go anywhere in public alone, and she knows that. I talk to her often and I hope she is listening. I told her about what happened to Molly Bish, Polly Klaas, Holly Piirainen. I read both of my kids news stories like these ones:
Just this past weekend, a 17-year-old boy from Fitchburg died after a car accident early Friday evening. Apparently, the boy was driving the car with 3 of his buddies and when they crashed, they all ran. Although all of the circumstances haven't been released yet, it appears that the kids were driving too fast and lost control. Police also found alcohol at the scene. Police managed to find 3 of the kids and questioned them, and assumed the fourth was alright, but still not willing to come forward. The kids themselves started to get nervous when they had not heard from their friend by the following day. They returned to the scene and searched themselves, finding him just in time for him to basically die in their arms.
My kids do not know the things that go through my mind when they go out. They have no idea what a scary, dangerous world it is out there. In a way, I envy their naivete - but mostly, I worry for them. My daughter is going to be 14 next month, but she could easily pass for 16/17. She has absolutely no idea how beautiful she is. She has a body that I would die for, and thinks she's "fat." (God damn media, models, peer pressure, etc. - but that's for another day...). She's strong, and she's confident - and that's great. But I also want her to be aware of the dangers, aware that if she's alone she will not be able to fend off a 200-pound man if he decides to hurt her. I don't think teenage girls should go anywhere in public alone, and she knows that. I talk to her often and I hope she is listening. I told her about what happened to Molly Bish, Polly Klaas, Holly Piirainen. I read both of my kids news stories like these ones:
Just this past weekend, a 17-year-old boy from Fitchburg died after a car accident early Friday evening. Apparently, the boy was driving the car with 3 of his buddies and when they crashed, they all ran. Although all of the circumstances haven't been released yet, it appears that the kids were driving too fast and lost control. Police also found alcohol at the scene. Police managed to find 3 of the kids and questioned them, and assumed the fourth was alright, but still not willing to come forward. The kids themselves started to get nervous when they had not heard from their friend by the following day. They returned to the scene and searched themselves, finding him just in time for him to basically die in their arms.
About a month ago, a teenage girl in Andover was at a sleepover party with her girlfriends. She got into an argument, either with her friends or on the phone with her boyfriend, and she took off running away from the house wearing only her shorts and T-shirt at 5:00 a.m. Her friends got worried when she didn't return within an hour, and her boyfriend became concerned when she didn't answer her cell phone. When she ran from the house, she ended up on a pond and fell through the ice. By the time authorities came looking for her, it was too late. She was officially pronounced dead at the hospital that afternoon.
Neither of these towns is very far from my own. Trevor is going to be 16 in July - he's a big kid, and he's also strong. But he also has a false sense of his own ability to fight off someone bigger and older than himself, and that worries me. These kids are my LIFE, my heart and soul. And so I try my best to be a good mom and I let them go because I know I have to, it's good for them, but I won't be able to breathe a sigh of relief until they come back. I know the day will come when they'll be walking out the door and won't be coming back... not permanently, anyway. I'll deal with that when it gets here, I have enough to worry about for now! LOL Everyone is home safe and sound at the moment, a good feeling. Peace.
Neither of these towns is very far from my own. Trevor is going to be 16 in July - he's a big kid, and he's also strong. But he also has a false sense of his own ability to fight off someone bigger and older than himself, and that worries me. These kids are my LIFE, my heart and soul. And so I try my best to be a good mom and I let them go because I know I have to, it's good for them, but I won't be able to breathe a sigh of relief until they come back. I know the day will come when they'll be walking out the door and won't be coming back... not permanently, anyway. I'll deal with that when it gets here, I have enough to worry about for now! LOL Everyone is home safe and sound at the moment, a good feeling. Peace.
Oh you hit home with this one my friend! I feel for you. Having a brother who died in a car accident at the age of 18 and a neighbor who went flying over her handle bars head first into a car at the age of 14and died and another neighbor who went swimming in bell Pond and got tangled in weeds and drowned, I STILL worry about my kids!! I wish I had a nickle for every worry when they left the house. Now when it snows, I wonder if my pregnant DIL is out driving... it never ends!
ReplyDeleteGee wasn't I uplifting?!! Hugs, Linda
I worry a lot too. On a happy note check out my blog for a fun challenge and a free digital stamp. I think you'll like it and seriously how often do I ever post anything for free? *LOL*
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you are saying. I worry too much about my kids. I worry what the world will be like when Anna gets to be able to go out...and she is only 10. There are some awfully mean people in the world today...and they seem to just be getting meaner and meaner.
Hugs,
Donna
Oh good, you mean I'm not the only mom who is in a constant state of panic? I thought I was going to suffer a major panic attack on Wednesday when Russ and I went out to buy Zach and his friends Nine Inch Nails tickets. I kept telling myself, "He's 17 now" but that doesn't make any difference...he's still my baby.
ReplyDeleteI know I'll be a wreck the night of the concert because it's 30+ miles away and if the boys have any trouble, it would take awhile to get to them. At least it's in a safe area and it's the same venue I went to about 20 times in high school. NIN was my compromise for not letting him see Rise Against in Downtown Detroit. If he didn't have such a good head on his shoulders, I don't know if I'd let him go.
Basically what I'm trying to say here is...I hear ya, sistah!!
Love you!
Candy