Just stuff

I had the weirdest dreams last night. I tend to have weird dreams when I'm upset, stressed, or have my mind on lots of things. I have been a little stressed at work, and Trevor has been driving me crazy this past week. He's turning 15 on Wednesday and seems to have turned into Mr. Joe Cool overnight! Well, OK, not overnight- over the past couple of months actually. I don't think I like teenagers, I think I'd like them to go back to being the cute little 2- and 4-year olds they once were. Can I exchange them back for these little angels?

No? I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot. Nah, I'm just kidding - my kids are actually really good kids. I think it would probably be weird if they NEVER gave me a hard time, right? I mean, isn't it a teenager's job to drive their parents crazy? I'll tell you what, though - perspective is a wonderful thing. It seems like when I'm just about at my wits' end, something happens to make me realize that I really am pretty lucky. This morning I was sitting here moping and my sister called to tell me about a man whose 12-year-old son died of a weird virus last week - something that went to his brain and there was nothing they could do - so he was perfect healthy one day, and died a week later. THEN - a few days later - this same man's god-daughter, 2 years old, died in her family swimming pool. I mean, talk about making me feel like an ass for sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Perspective, I tell you.

So yesterday was like a billion degrees out, and I had to work at Freshman Orientation (I work at a college). It wasn't bad, though, we got to do our thing in the only air-conditioned building, so that was good. I was home by a little after 2:00, and I took the kids to my parent's to go swimming. My 33-year-old brother and his 7-year-old son live with my parents. Without going into too many depressing details, let's just say my brother has not really grown up yet. So anyway, my nephew's name is Christopher and he's a cute kid. But he's spoiled rotten and him and Trevor just do not get along. I'm sure a lot of it is the age difference, they are 8 years apart after all. It makes it difficult to be there when he's there, though, because one of them is always annoying the other.

But here's how I see it: my kids love their grandparents. My parents work full-time, so we don't get to see them on a regular basis or anything. Christopher lives there, so he does get to see them every single day. I understand that Chris loves his cousins and gets excited when they come over, but sometimes we just want to visit nana and papa and sometimes my kids just want them all to themselves. My kids want to feel like they are special when they visit their grandparents - and they sometimes want to be able to visit without Christopher being there. I understand this and I don't blame them - Christopher, after all, gets them all to himself the majority of the time, but I don't think anyone else thinks of that. They expect my kids to "understand the situation" - now my kids are older, but they are still kids, you know? They are not adults, and they do not understand the situation. They know Christopher and Jimmy live there, but they still don't really understand why that means we can NEVER visit without them being there.

Trevor, especially, has a hard time when Chris is there. You also have to know that Trevor adores and idolizes his papa, and he wants to be able to sleep over papa's house once in a while. He will ask my parents "When is Christopher not going to be here, so I can sleep over?" My mother actually gets mad at this, and here's where my frustration lies. WHY SHOULD MY KIDS NEVER GET TO HAVE THEIR GRANDPARENTS TO THEMSELVES? Why should Trevor be made to feel like shit because he wants to sleep over his grandparents house ONCE (this does not happen on any kind of a regular basis - I'm talking like once or twice per YEAR) and he doesn't want to have to share his grandparents with his cousin who gets them EVERY DAY? Do you see what I'm saying here? Am I just being a bitch? I really don't think so. Some days I can handle it better than others. Most of you reading this know that I HATE confrontation and I usually will swallow my anger, tears, etc. simply for the sake of not fighting/arguing. I hate it. But I won't lie - it's not easy and it absolutely SUCKS feeling so heartbroken and angry. And it really sucks because it has even made ME feel differently about Chris. I have 3 nephews - Eric and Josh are my sister's kids and I love them like they are my own. I don't feel the same way about Christopher. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much - but I look forward to when he is NOT going to be there. I resent him - I resent that my kids can't enjoy a visit to nana and papa and get to have them all to themselves. I resent that Trevor is made out to be a brat just because he wants to have a sleep-over with his favorite papa without Christopher being there. I resent that when we do show up and Christopher is either not home or has plans - they CALL HIM HOME OR CHANGE THE PLANS SO HE CAN STAY! Now you wouldn't mind - but every stinkin' time, they end up mad at my kids! It's absolutely ridiculous and infuriating and I don't know how much longer I can bite my tongue. It's certainly not like it's just my kids being mean to Christopher - all they have to do is LOOK at him and he's whining that they did something to bother him. He's learned that he can do that and they can get in trouble - so he takes full advantage. Then he'll say "auntie Jenn, can I come over your house?" and I can't help but burst out laughing. I mean, are you serious? There is no way I'd want him at my house - he can't even stand my kids! This kid is used to getting his own way all the time. So if he doesn't get to play what he wants to play, eat what he wants to eat (McDonald's), whatever, then he whines and makes a fist and just acts like a complete spoiled brat. I have no tolerance for that crap, and it truly hurts me to feel like my mother doesn't even make an effort to understand why my kids are jealous. I'm just really irritated today and I needed to vent, so you're all the lucky recipients of my whining. HA!

PHEW - OK - so here are some new pictures of the teenage monsters and us, enjoying our Summer!

Jeremy - ready to kill me and break my new camera! hee hee

Me and the girl

Papa with Trevor and Josh - all of 'em being silly and having fun.

Peace - Jenn